My Momma Told Me -- There’d be Days Like This

So I have put off blogging because it has been a little of a struggle the past two weeks. It is all ok though because it has been a Great (somewhat sarcastic... but I KNOW it) time for REFLECTION (any education students/profs understand this statement more than others!!! ha ha).
So moving to a new completely different culture means that one is going to experience “Culture Shock.” Well, of course, the people who research such things (honestly who are these people?) have poured out articles on the subject and there are four (sometimes five stages) of ‘Culture Shock.’ Well, I think I can safely say that I have sailed through stage numero uno; the “honeymoon” stage.
“When you first arrive in a new culture, differences are intriguing and you may feel excited, stimulated and curious. At this stage
you are still protected by the close memory of your home culture.” Now, I have travelled a fair bit before and nothing seemed to “shock” me...meaning that instead of finding anything truly “weird” or worse “awful” I knew that it was just “different.” I am a person who naturally marvels at these differences and enjoys them. Shopping at overcrowded 4 storey supermarkets seemed cool, eating rice for every meal is “just what one does in Korea,” and the random fish smells in the street--- well again one just learned to take a little shallower of a breath;) But all this has changed within the last 2 weeks.
I have graduated to phase 2 (or as one website refers to as phase 2 and 3). I am at the “distress” stage.
“A little later, differences create an impact and you may feel confused, isolated or inadequate as cultural differences
intrude and familiar supports (eg family or friends) are not immediately available.”
I have felt really lonely and I have been longing for those friendships/relationships from back home. What seems to be escalating these feelings are my kindergarten students. My “good” class, has been fighting non-stop. They start yelling at each other in Korean over the silliest things like not sharing pencil crayons and a lot of times it ends up that one of them cries. Obviously this distresses me and even though I don’t know what is being said I have learned to observe when an explosion is going to occur and try to head it off... by basically yelling “Stop it... Diana class does not talk mean... I don’t want to hear anymore!” How effective hey?... ummm NOT! Sometimes I bring in a Korean “helper teacher” to help work it out with the students. She comes in... every student shares their side of the story in Korean and then this helper says a couple of words to them to “solve” the problem ... and then to me says “YES” and leaves! GAWD... and I am left to wonder what the “H” it was all about! I am reading the Positive Discipline book (sorry again educators will understand) but it basically talks about how to socialize students and give them ownership to feelings/choices/actions.. ha ha well this is ideal but when there is a language barrier... it seems to all fly out the window. One day a student came in late, and two of the girls said “AWWWW!!!” when he showed up! (meaning they were sad he made it to school and verbally voiced this) I “lost” it and got mad at them... saying that it was inappropriate and mean and said something to the effect of how would you like it if Keira teacher said “Aww when you came to school!” They were mad at me for being mad at them (mostly because these are “good” students and rarely ever get into trouble) So they talked bad about me in Korean (blah blah blah Keira teacher... blah blah blah)... I just told them to stop and reiterated that they were wrong! It is just so frustrating to me because I am not the type to bark orders... if I say “stop running,” for example, (and then they fall and bump into each other and cry) I want to explain that Keira teacher says things like “don’t run... not to be a monster teacher but so that everyone can be safe and not get hurt!” I go the distance and act out these things... and still say this stuff to them.. but I do wonder if it is like the Simpsons episode when they are training the dog and all he hears is “Blah blah blah blah.. “sit” blah blah”... How much of the ramble really gets through?
We then have had a lot of disorganization at school for more than one reason... but a big one being that a foreign teacher friend of ours just packed up and left. This has left us with having to pick up extra classes (more tiring day) and honestly just feeling betrayed as it was one of the girls we hung out with all the time! I suppose she has her reasons, but it was definitely a bit selfish and inconsiderate on her part.
Ok so then with everything going on... everyone in stress “fight” (vs flight) at school and me being on edge with phase two... I whipped right into phase three the; “Re-integration” stage.
“Next you may reject the differences you encounter. You may
feel angry or frustrated, or hostile to the new culture. At this stage you may be conscious mainly of how much you dislike it compared
to home. Don’t worry, as this is quite a healthy reaction. You
are reconnecting with what you value about yourself and
your own culture.”
ha ha this stage makes me laugh. I do not dwell and hate everything a lot of the “cultural things’ like the food, smells, pushiness, are not my huge “issues” Mine are mostly school related. I have been complaining a lot about the lack of organization and communication with the foreign staff. (ie learning about decorating for three hours after school at about 2:30 that same day!) Anyway, so Roberta, me, and this guy, Jamar, are out for coffee on Sunday afternoon... and we all just start complaining about everything and really wondering if we are going to make it! I laughed and said ... you know what? I read about these stages and I told myself before coming “nah you won’t hit that stage” (nieve I know). I then went on to say that what we are all feeling is apparently completely normal... and that we are going to make it! It is funny too, cause this guy we first met when we got here... we coined as “Mr. Grumpy”, because all he did was complain. Well I now realize that he was about month 2 and half into Korea (similar to us) so he was just going through his “phase”... on a happier note he seems to have come around again... so there is hope for us!
Honestly, though I like the positive spin of this phase; “learning about the things you value about your own culture.” I believe I do have a deep appreciation for my close relationships (Randi and I always say life is about relationships) but being away from everyone makes me realize how much more I miss/value them. Korea is great... but I feel really in limbo at times... I don’t know how much I am affecting my students (yes I know they like me) but with the communication barrier it is hard, and then the close friendships are not really there either. It is very much “just me.” I miss the give and take of a good conversation... or needing/being needed as a friend. There are also other things like ‘fresh air” and big trees that I have really really really been missing. Korea does have some beautiful trees and fall as brought out a lot of spectacular colours but I miss the ones back home. I also miss varied architecture (vs concrete buildings), people saying “I’m sorry if they bump into you” or “excuse me,” spacious grocery stores (mainly the beautiful Co Op --ha ha but this is a bias), being able to have a diverse amount of food if one chooses--- asian, italian, mexican.... or seeing diversity (in people) in the streets, classrooms etc. I also really miss teaching back home... connecting with students, making crazy lesson plans, communicating with staff, dare I say even being able to converse with a parent would be so so so helpful!!! These couple of weeks have been hard teaching but I do know more than ever that teaching is still what I want to be doing and can at least be thankful that my non-verbal observation skills are being finely tuned (which will be an asset back home.) Anyway, so I will survive this stage...and learn even more... and hopefully sooner rather than later graduate to the fourth/fifth stages; Autonomy” stage;
“Differences and similarities are accepted. You may feel
relaxed, confident, more like an old hand as you become
more familiar with situations and feel well able to cope with
new situations based on your growing experience.”
and similarly “Independence” stage“
Differences and similarities are valued and important. You may
feel full of potential and able to trust yourself in all kinds of situations. Most situations become enjoyable and you are able
to make choices according to your preferences and values.”
I’ll get there--- thanks for the reading this rant... and drop me an email/facebook me if you are out there (or leave a comment)-- meirab@hotmail.com.

Much Love from Korea
XO XO
Me

(1990, Barker, M. “Orientated for Success”)
http://72.14.235.104/search?q=cache:gS6iMYB0An8J:www.ukcosa.org.uk/files/pdf/info_sheets/culture_shock.pdf+4+stages+culture+shock&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=7&gl=ca